Still Gray

Note the number of views on the article.

Fallout is filled with rich social commentary. “It wouldn’t hurt if that game, or other games helped raise the social consciousness of the players who played them just a little bit and made them look at their own governments and their own society just a little more critically.”

Life is too short for professionalism to get in the way of fanboy excitement. How often do you get to meet your idol — Shigeru Miyamoto — the man behind Mario, Zelda and countless other Nintendo greats. Sure, you might be wearing a badge stating that you’re a member of the press, but how often do you get the opportunity to get the old “Shigster McShiggypants” to sign that boxed copy of Zelda: Ocarina of Time you’ve been holding on for over a decade? 

This is your one chance. Your one opportunity to get a piece of gaming history. Your ethics as a professional journalist be damned! You’ll never get a chance like this ever again. So get out there, shove that box in his face and say, “Please, sir. I’m a great admirer of your work. Could you please sign your autograph for me? I would be incredibly grateful!” just as your fellow journalists are conducting an interview with the man.  

While you’re at it, why not hoot, holler and clap your hands like a jibbering monkey every time Hideo Kojima mentions a new feature in an upcoming Metal Gear Solid title. Wear a shirt to the event, if you have to — and profess your admiration, love and support for the long-running series. The game that defined you existence as a game journalist. Everyone needs to see it, right? If you weren’t impacted by that cleverly designed battle with Psycho Mantis in the first Metal Gear Solid, you wouldn’t be standing where you are today. It left a mark, an impression upon your very soul — so why not celebrate that, at a press event, where everyone can see you heap effortless praise onto the man who validated your existence as a gamer?

Fuck yeah! Let’s do this!

The very definition of vapid. 

This is Kotaku’s “mascot”, Kotaku-Tan, who embodies everything about the website - a bunch of unrelated shit riding a fish whose lightly pixelated body implies that, if you look hard enough, you might find something vaguely related to videogames.

Kotaku: Kotaku-Tan, The T-Shirt For The Kotaku Fan [June 13th, 2010]

I can’t parse this shit. 

gamejournos:

There are literally no words. Instead, here are some choice quotes from this, Patrick Garratt’s finest work:

Yerli’s fucking fit, innit.
Yeah, fucking say that to him.
I will.
You, Cevat, are a very attractive man.
I can’t believe I’m going to interview the guy. I’m fucking drunk.
Just kiss him.
Fuck’s sake.

[…]

and it’s a fucking knockout an Asian couple a black policeman ruined Manhattan and the Nanosuit, flood of choppers dammed by aliens from skyscrapers
blood on the screen thunder fighting
Nanosuit guy takes them out with grenade drops piece of paper showing dead people to floor and looks over shoulder in classic Crysis pose
I think I’ve seen that about twenty times tonight I always enjoy looking at that and I can’t wait to get into the suit

It’s rambling. it’s mindless, pointless, unfocused rambling. I’m half-inclined to believe that Patrick straight up posted the notes that he took during the event. I really want to believe that’s what happened, and that he’ll wake up in the morning and realise what he’s done and go…

…and then post an actual, real, actual article full of information that the average reader can actually parse. I so desperately want to hope that’s what’s going to happen because sweet everloving fuck this is a terrible article. If I were the Editor of VG247 I’d be embarrassed. Embarrassed. Who’s the Editor of VG247? what do they have to say about…

…Oh, fuck. Patrick Garratt’s the Editor.

How did that happen? How did this man, this person who thinks that this turgid mess of cerebral vomit is an acceptable post about a game preview, become the Editor of this place? Of any place? How did he get this far up the ladder? Does he have photos of someone? Has he perhaps sacrificed virgins and/or small animals to some Savage God? Or maybe he simply fried a string of sausages for the benefit of Offler, the crocodile-headed God of the Discworld, in exchange for some all-powerful stranglehold over the Powers That Be of videogame journalism.

It’s probably the photos one.

In any case, I’ve taken the liberty of screengrabbing the article, just in case Patrick comes to his senses and realises he’s supposed to be a fucking journalist, so that everyone can see what a horrible, terrible piece of sputum-encrusted rhino dung this is and decides to tidy it up. HEAVEN FORBID.

Jared Diamond, “Guns, Germs and Steel”

chickenbonewatt:

I don’t think I’m very good at keeping promises to myself. I promised myself that I’d write more often – at least more often than I usually do, and fill out this tumblr with my ‘daily musings’ or what have you, but I end up writing far more often on sites like reddit, quartertothree and penny…

 Yes, yes, yes. I have the same promise, issue, wonder at what I am doing and why. Well said.

I guess the point is to simply write down whatever comes to mind and not worry about a damn thing when I’m blogging. Life is short, we all die in the end, yadda yadda yadda. 

That being said, I would like to maintain some standard of quality in my writing. It would be nasty to post absolutely everything that entered my mind. Wouldn’t it? 

Though, the thought amuses me. 

I don’t think I’m very good at keeping promises to myself. I promised myself that I’d write more often – at least more often than I usually do, and fill out this tumblr with my ‘daily musings’ or what have you, but I end up writing far more often on sites like reddit, quartertothree and penny arcade or twittering at the spur of the moment. Go figure.

I find it a little difficult, and I feel somewhat insecure, to share my opinions on a kind of online diary. Though it doesn’t exactly feel like screaming into a vacuum, the lack of interaction, as it were, feels a little awkward to me. Perhaps if I had more readers, I wouldn’t feel this way – which is how I once felt on Twitter, when I had too few followers. It’s just nice knowing that others can see what I’m saying, and that my thoughts aren’t lost, floating adrift empty webspace.

But of course, who’s to visit this site when I have so few thoughts to share, right?

I learned today of a man who works for CNBC named “Hugh Johnson”. A most awesome name. If I had his e-mail address, I’d contact him with a header that read:

“Remarking upon the pure awesomeness of your name”

The contents of which would include some subtle cues to the fact  that his name refers to huge penis. Oh yeah.

This will either be the best e-mail he receives today, or if he takes himself too seriously — the worst.

Think of it as a test of champions. You run the gauntlet through SNARK CITY and either emerge a tearful, overgrown baby or a totally awesome dude.

With everyone claiming to have New Years resolutions that they’ll no doubt fail to heed within the first week of the new decade, it seems trite to come up with resolutions of my own, especially given the failure rate. That being said, it’s still worth a shot to make any attempt at self-improvement.

I would like to write an article per day – be it a little blog post like this one, or anything else, so long as I manage to write each and every day without fail.

Likewise, I’m making it my personal goal to read at least thirty pages of a book per day, if only to keep up with my ever growing stack of literature.

I’d also like to finish Dragon Age sometime this week – something I’ve been “planning” to do for the past two months.

That is all.