on anxiety and blogging more often
It’s been awhile since I ‘blogged’ about anything. I write on a daily basis, but what I write is news. Boring, sometimes not so boring news about video games and video game related things on Gameranx. I rarely, if ever, write anything that isn’t gaming news related. Doing so—writing about non-gaming news—feels somewhat different. It’s difficult to write about something that’s not the gaming news because of how long I’ve been doing just the news and nothing else. It’s like I’m oiling rarely used gears.
It’s bad enough that I don’t write about gaming-related things at a length, even when I have a lot of things to say about a subject. It’s always in little bits and snippets—250 words or less.
I’m trying to change that. I’m trying to make it a habit—call it a resolution, because that’s what it is—of writing more often about subjects that aren’t the gaming news.
What spurred all of this? Boredom, mostly. (I should add that ‘boredom’ for me comes from feeling an undercurrent of anxiety—it’s difficult for me to commit to things and I often find myself in a pit of ennui) And dreams. I get dreams where I write long articles—sometimes they’re blog posts, and sometimes they’re editorials. I know how incredibly stupid this must all sound, especially to anyone who writes often and always. I worry that I’ll come across as a shallow writer with nothing to say when I write things like this, so I mostly don’t.
I’m battling no small amount of anxiety even as I write this. That’s something I struggle with—anxiety. I don’t know why I do. I just do. I even take medication for it these days, but it’s hard to do anything different when it comes to attempting to overcome anxiety, especially when you’re so used to giving in and losing against it.
Anyway I’d like to write more often about anything and everything and make it a habit of doing so. Whether it keeps my brain active or whether it’ll make it easier for me to pitch articles to major publications matters not. What matters is that I write often and find it easy to write. That’s what I want out of this.
The biggest fear I have right now is that I won’t write anything tomorrow and this blog post will look like any number of laughable (yes, they are) blog posts by writers claiming to revive their stagnant blogs. How hilarious would that be?